Monday Confessions

It's Monday again and I'm already anxious for the weekend. This is a short work week for me, since I don't work on Friday. But honestly, I'm most looking forward to tomorrow night. Week nights are usually spent quietly, watching TV or reading. But not this week. I do not know what will happen tomorrow night, but I can't wait for it to get here. I'm such a girl, it's awful. But I can't run from it. I admit it. I am a female! I get confused! I am emotional! I want to control people! I want to be cherished! I want to be adored! I want to know what others think of me! Praise the Lord I don't have to combat all this self-centeredness on my own. I know it's part of the curse, resulting from Eve's desire to be full of knowledge she shouldn't have possessed. I still follow in her footsteps, wanting to know what God knows. But I'm not content to wait for God to tell me. Oh, no. I want to know now. Then, if I get information, I am not content to keep it between me and God. Oh, no. I want to share it with someone else. Ug. Gossip is a vicious destroyer. But back to the point.

Over the past few months, God has done a great work in me. I have seen myself through His eyes. I am not a number to Him. I am not someone on the sidelines. I am precious to my Father. His love for me is deep and wells up from a river of never-ending perfection. During my self-inflicted and painful steps, He watched in agony, calling me to return to Him. For a long time, I didn't obey. I heard Him, but I wasn't ready to give up control. But He was persistent and I reached the end of my disobedience. God's love won and I am secure. He has taught me that He is in control, regardless of what I do. My past experiences place no limits on God. My expectations put no boundaries on His love. He is not controlled by my lack of faith. It's amazing how much freedom can be found when you let go of what you think is best. Sovereignty is best where it was founded: In God Almighty. It will not be moved. If I'm truthful with myself, I'll admit that I really don't want to be all-knowing or all-powerful. I'd totally mess things up.

In the spirit of my ramblings, I place tomorrow night in the hands of my loving Father. Dear Lord, please keep my heart in your hands. You provide the only safe place for me to hide and I thank You for being here. I give up my right to myself and I willingly accept Your best.